Incident at the Loco.

As I was about to dine on the gourmet cuisine at the Newport Beach El Pollo Loco, I saw a gentleman sidle up to the cashier to make a request.

This fellow was probably 325 without his shoes, and he had an urgent need.

Refusing the pink packaged sugar substitute, he demanded another. The manager thought he had the solution.

The genteel manager produced a blue packaged substitute only to be rebuked with a hearty, "No gusto! I don't want that!"

The customer snatched his tray of four--yes four--burritos from the manager, leaving the blue packet behind.

A few minutes later, the manager approached the complainant and dared to inquire, "Is everything ok?"

"No! It is not! I need to speak to the manager. Are you the manager?"

"Yes."

"Good, you need to order the yellow packaged sugar substitutes. The pink causes cancer and the blue scrambles the brain!", he thundered.

I wondered if the opinionated diner had already conducted his own experiments on the blue's purported cognitive-scrambling qualities.

It didn't seem to compute to this petulant guy that shaving a few calories off with a sugar substitute while ignoring the pounds and mounds of carbs and calories on his red tray made about as much sense as paying someone else to exercise for you.